Category: Joke Board
Kids - Before and After
The 3 words you most want to hear from your husband are:
Before kids: "I love you"
After 1st child: "Let me help"
After 2nd child: "I'll change her"
The best toys are:
Before kids: wooden and educational
After 1st child: plastic and educational
After 2nd child: plastic and silent
The last restaurant you visited had:
Before kids: elegant tables, an innovative menu, impeccable service After 1st child: clean tables, a children's menu, quick service
After 2nd child: an available table, the menu on the wall, self-service
You see a child having a tantrum in a store and you feel sorry for...:
Before kids: yourself
After 1st child: the child
After 2nd child: the mom
A home-cooked meal is...:
Before kids: 5 courses, plus wine
After 1st child: main dish, vegetable, and starch
After 2nd child: frozen macaroni and cheese
"Goodnight Moon" is...
Before kids: what?
After 1st child: a cute children's book
After 2nd child: memorized
Children should be potty trained...:
Before kids: as soon as possible
After 1st child: when the are developmentally ready
After 2nd child: sometime before they leave for college
You choose your grocery store based on...:
Before kids: selection
After 1st child: price
After 2nd child: a candy-free checkout lane
You call your mom on Mother's Day to say...:
Before kids: "I love you"
After 1st child: "Thanks, Mom"
After 2nd child: "Please forgive me for my childhood"
"Sesame Street" characters you can name are...:
Before kids: Big Bird, Grover, Oscar the Grouch
After 1st child: Elmo, Zoe, and Slimey the worm
After 2nd child: All of them
You spot your neighbors' child wearing striped tights, a flowered dress, combat shoes, and a tiara and you think...:
Before kids: her mom needs some fashion tips
After 1st child: her dad needs some fashion tips
After 2nd child: won't she get too hot in tights?
You're waiting in line for a rest room when a mom dragging a toddler "in need" enters. You...:
Before kids: wonder if the kid will make it
After 1st child: give up your place in line
After 2nd child: shout "let's move it, ladies, we have an emergency here!"
Oh, that's so true.
Bob